Been so long since I've written something and I'm not sure if I still have it in me to be able to write with as much enthusiam as I did in this blog. But I just want you guys to know I'm very much alive and miss you all!

Lovelots,

Will/Liam

    I dreamt about it the night before, and the next day, I received the news from a friend.
Yet it doesn't really feel like good news. I've been waiting and now that it happened I'm not happy, even feel kinda bad about it. I guess the waiting isn't really over yet. The next few days will decide our fate.

    Two figures can be seen in the barely lit storehouse. One cradling the other much smaller figure. One just having fun, the other unaware that the future is being shaped right there, right then. That was just the first time. They'll be back. Oh yes they will...

    The dreamer jerked awake. Only to realize one terrible truth. It wasn't a dream. Not a dream at all.

    The game has just begun but I've already suffered a setback. And not just a minor one at that. But I can surpass this. It's probably good to have to face a challenge like this so early in the game. I'm not gonna let this backfire on me. I won't fall into my own trap. The rules have been set. The pieces have been placed. The players are everywhere. The quest begins. It's time to conquer.

    That's all I got for a multitude of questions I asked. But was he really the one who sent those replies? I'm having doubts now. Something is off. Observe and wait. The time should be near.

    What do you do when the pursuit of happiness turn into the pursuit of emptiness? How do you accept it when you realize that for you there can never really be a happy ending and the journey to get there isn't always filled with good memories either? When should you stop clinging into the promises of false hopes? Who do you turn to when you can't even trust yourself? Where do you go when you want to get lost?  Which of these questions even need an answer? Why am I even writing an entry to a blog I closed over a year ago? I know the answer to that last one: because I want to. Because I have to do something, anything to keep me sane. I'm falling apart and I don't wanna hide it from myself anymore. And at the same time I'm reconstructing another "self" and I don't want to make the same mistakes as before. Playing it safe or playing it dangerously? I think it's both. So what has transpired during the last 16 months or so since my last post. Alot and at the same time, not much. Frankly, I don't wanna talk about it right now.So what do I wanna talk about? It's been a yadda, yadda, yadda of words already and there isn't yet a sign of anything coherent with what I've written. Getting rusty? Maybe. Uninspired? Could be. Truth is, I just don't have anything to write about. I've just been feeling rather sad lately and I was thinking maybe this will help even just a little. Was I right? Too early to tell. But one thing's for sure. I've missed doing this...


Playing a Different Game

    Bolder. More Daring. More Dangerous. More fun? The game has just begun. But who's the cat? Who's the mouse? Who's the new character that's come into play? And what are the rules?

    It all started in a chance meeting with a person I knew I just had to get to know. And so I did. And so I also got my drive to write once more. I always had a flavor for a passion for something at a given time. If I'm on the mood to read, I'll be reading book after book after book. If my fingers are itching for my PS2's controller, I'd play consecutively for days, weeks and even months. If I'm into watching movies, cartoons, tv programs then movie-, anime- and tv series-marathons are on all day. It's a cycle, they'll each have their turn until i get tired of one and move on to the next. Writing had been something that's missing though since after college until I started this blog and oh what a passion it had been writing almost everyday. I always regard college as the pinnacle of my writing hobby but now it's been replaced by this blog. Never had I imagined being able to express emotions I used to just keep bottled inside, and have people to listen and maybe even understand. And the feeling was nothing short of satisfaction. I've found a calling... But in taking liberty to write at will, even if I thought I was being cautious, it's apparent now that I may have been a little too careless and that's why I need to stop. It's not because I'm losing my will to write but because I've written too much and if I tell more there may be consequences I'm not going to take the risk of. Like everything I've written here I cannot tell the details behind this. Still I'm writing for the last time to properly close what I've started.

    As some of you may have noticed, there's an obvious irony on this blog. How I'm writing for all the world to read about a relationship, yet details were scarce, key information were omitted and secrets were rampant. Of course there's a reason behind all that. But even so, you all respect that even if it gave some people headaches... Okay it seems like I'm teasing again so enough of that before I get into trouble. I've really enjoyed writing for this blog, and reading your feedbacks, comments and encouragements. By now everyone knows how attention-whore I am but aren't we all? I appreciate all of you and I'm glad to have gotten to know some people through this. Thank you and till you hear from me again. In closing before this blog dwell into eternal silence, there's one last thing I wanna share...


Life in Silence

    I never really give much thought about my life that much before. Shy, always inside my room alone, dreading to talk to other people, I've always kept to myself. I despised crowded places and hated noise, and partly I still do. That's probably why the first 25 years of my life breezed through without much notable incidents except for a few standouts. While I can gripe about how I've wasted all these years and my youth and all that, really, what's the point? Looking back, yes, there were things I could've done a lot better, I could've made a difference, I could've shaped a different "present" for myself, I could've probably developed a different self for that matter. But that's just one side of "things that could've been." And writing this now, I remember telling this to a very close friend. That there's also endless possibilities of things being worse than what they are now. We can never know, and for me it's pointless to keep wondering about things that you can never change anymore. What I believe is better to do is to embrace what's NOW, we can still strive to make things better but there's always a limit to what we have control on and we just have to accept that. Who we are now is because of what happened in the course of our lives and while we will still change because of what we will encounter in the future, there's already things deeply engraved on our personalities that will forever remain.

    Thinking this way, generally, I can still say that life had been good for me. Only now, it gets better. It took awhile for me to come out of my shell, to embrace myself and know who I really am compared to other people. But things aren't the same for everyone and for me this really seems to be the best time for that. I'm happy. Whether or not this happiness will last long is not the issue. The mere fact that after 25 years, I can say it without any shade of doubt IS what. Some things are still difficult and challenges come every so often, life is indeed unfair, but it also good. To realize that is what I'm most grateful for. And for people who haven't, hopefully your turn will come soon.

Thanks to everyone, it's been fun.

silent_will signing off.

    Due to some personal reasons this will be my last post about this LDLA. Thanks to all who appreciated what I've written here. Ciao!

A very silent Will

    Things have been running smoothly between us. There are the usual misunderstandings but there have been no major conflicts to take seriously. Despite having a hectic sked, you never ran out of time for me. I was worried sick that you were killing yourself, doing all those things one after another without getting sufficient rest, but I understood how important they were to you and fortunately they didn't go to waste. You've made it and I'm proud of you. Now you'll move on to another chapter, set your mind to achieving different and more challenging goals. Your quest has just begun and I'm proud to bear witness to this moment of your life. I understand that these times may be difficult and uncertain for you, but you have a lot of people around you that you can depend on. And of course I am just here, I've promised not to let you down, haven't I? But still, never lose faith in yourself. You're such an amazing person and there's a whole lot in you that you probably don't realize. We're here to help but in the end it's all up to you to tap into your potential and harness them to help you achieve your dreams. You can do it. Believe... Here's to a well-deserved

Congratulations!!!


Together Once Again

    And so we meet again. While the first couple of days were marred by fights and misunderstandings, I wouldn't say they are wasted times because through those we were able to let out all the things we needed to say, specially on your part. I've been wanting for you to speak your side and you did, and that's all I was waiting for, for us to come to an understanding. I can never fully describe how it feels to have you here beside me, see you smile once again, hear your laughter... We went to a lot of places and we had fun, but in the end, when it's just the two of us walking without a set destination, talking without really minding the conversation, that we are happiest. And that's all I need to see, all I need to know. Right now, right here, the two of us together. This is what it means. This is the reason why. This is what destiny brought us together for. All the questions have been asked, and there's just one answer...

Love.


Utter Silence: The Silence of my Will

    It is complicated. It is hard. There are limitations. And here we find another challenge. I couldn't hide from you how scared it made me, but your reassurance is more than enough to calm the brewing storm... I've been carelss and have talked and acted a bit too much. But I've told you the truth and I know you believed me. Which is why I'll keep quiet from now on and live true to my monicker Silent Will...

    While our journey is still far from reaching its end, not all stories need to be told up to its ending. Like in most stories, seeing the word The End doesn't really end the story of its characters, it goes on even after that. And that is how our story will continue, between just the two of us.

    We've made plans, agreed on some matters and are waiting for what will happen on some pending issues that concern our relationship. And while we'll have to part once more and say goodbye for now, we're looking forward to the next time we'll be together again... Some things must end and for this chapter that time has come. This is our story. You and me. We'll surely have more things to share and more moments to look forward to. We're back to waiting but we both know now how it's all worth waiting for. Until that time comes, we have these memories of being together to think of...

I love you...

Mildly waited
I swore I joined

    I had a taste of your world. It made me understand so much about you and answered the questions I had. It made us both realize the reality of this situation: how hard it is yet exciting; how serious it can be, yet fun. Most of all, it showed me what I needed to see: how complicated it can get if I did what I wanted. It wasn't the right time, not then, not now. But I believe that chapter isn't closed yet. Unless...

    Soon you'll be the one to experience my world. It definitely wouldn't be as hard for us as it had been. There's be more room for us to breathe, less complications to mind. And perhaps I can convince you into a proposal. Maybe you can stay. With me... Make my world yours... I know that's a lot to ask for, but it's a wish coming from the heart of someone who truly loves. To make the two worlds we live in become one...

    There are times when I thought I had you figured out, that I knew exactly what you're gonna do in a certain situation, what you're capable of and what you aren't. But just when I thought I could predict your move, you'd surprise me by doing the opposite. I guess sometimes I just take the term baby too literally. I love taking care of you that I tend to try to do everything and forget that you are capable too of doing things on your own. You don't need my help at all times, I have to remember that. As much as I would like to take care of everything for your sake, I can't and I don't have to. They say too much of something isn't good, and I fear I may be on the boundary of crossing that line. Once again, a lesson learned. Our relationship has helped me grow up a lot. I've learned a lot already, and I keep learning, each day.